she did not end up painting today
painting is a very specific thing isn't it. canvas and paint are manufactured materials you pretty much go and buy each time you need them. but art and using materials to make it, like conceptually, i think is pretty divorced from that. when you're painting, you're probably making art. even a wall, you're making a design decision. if you were to totally use entirely natural materials, it would be less like painting but you wouldn't be able to help yourself in somehow making a brush, a large white blank canvas, and a rainbow of oil-based colors. can you approach painting without approaching the paints and brushes and canvases? technically no but i think on a peace-and-love-on-planet-earth level the answer is yes, because crafting art and images is not exclusive to the tools. but painting is a very specific thing. it isn't drawing, it can involve that but it's not that. when you think of a painter and their art you will imagine a studio of mostly rectangular and square images made with paint from a tube. it isn't sculpture, excepting for impasto, painting is flat. it isn't mixed media, it's paint. is painting a social construct, an under the radar invention that seems so easy and second nature to us? why do you thoughtlessly reach for the big primed blank canvas and the tuned palette of rainbow of colors when your brain comes up with the idea to make a painted image?
i really miss painting haha. all of my painting stuff is in storage, and even if we got it out, our furniture is also in storage, so really i'll be able to paint again once everything is truly out of storage. i could get paints and make it work somewhere in the mean time but i won't. i can paint digitally and i really like to, so i should do that today. i want to do that today.
with acrylic painting i love holding the brush and pushing the paint onto the canvas. i love squashing it in and daubing it on. i love to drag the paint by way of the brush from one point to another. i love making and then seeing big running brush strokes. every time i watercolor it is like helping an old lady into a car. she's rickety, her purse is expensive, her sunglasses aren't prescription, she barks the moment you slip up. she's gorgeous, she's lived a full life, and she knows herself and her needs exactly. watercolor is lovely but i don't see myself returning to it soon. i have never tried oils but i desperately want to.
if you bite your lip every time you need to cry, at some point your tears will start to dry up before they can even be conjured. if you grit your teeth about it, grit grit grit, grit grit grit, at some point your emotions will be washed away in the sand before they can even be etched in. if you don't think it feels good to cry, you don't get me.
just had an adorable little moment in the kitchen.
earlier i had to lie down. i faced the window not on purpose but i faced it. i adore the crows around here and i plan on adding a /caw slash page. i think slash pages are corny, but entirely harmless and obviously fun as hell, but i never planned on doing any until i saw /caw. i watched the crows play (i think they were playing) on the tops of the trees in the wind. sometimes chasing each other, sometimes all taking off at once, and a lot of times cawing. i am back to having my suspicions that they are fish crows, as i read recently fish crows live near water (i'm near a river) and they will have squeaker-toy like caws. there is a smaller crow i thikn might be a younger one, who sounds like a chicken squeezy toy thingy when it caws. (another reason i think it's a younger one is because its caws seem so random and varied.) i had to lie down because i was just immensely bored and too sad to get over it. as the minutes passing felt like sandpaper, watching the crows play in the wind really helped. the crows are having a good time on beautiful planet earth, thank fuck. oh my god it's possible and the crows are so good at it, you can experience joy on planet earth, today, in the wind and rain, if you have it in you.