frozen
it is surprising to me somehow that i've already blogged for five days in a row now. when you blog every day after several days, there will be a list several items long of posts you've written... wow! and here is day six. yesterday i almost made two posts but merged them together into one long one. i did say before i am letting myself be cool with long and short form posts. if i am going to leave a drafted post open all day, the posts are probably going to end up long form more often than short form. i will leave the short form urges for when i truly have a hard time doing long form. if that day comes.
today i used my new notebook to make a few to do lists. they are not to dos that i have to get done today. my perfectionism is already staring at me bug eyed as i choose random highlighter colors and put the date at the top of the page as if i won't come up with a better place to write it later. it's been a weird morning which is probably going to demotivate me to do stuff around the house or whatever but i won't write the possibility off yet.
i just decided to also include just the month in post tags. i will keep tagging every day with the date like nov 2, but it is causing a long list of tags to form on the blog page. this makes me want to take matters into my own hands but the utility of the tags is not yet interesting as there are only 6 posts to sort. i could also tag the year but you can list blog posts from certain date ranges already so if i wanted to do that i would use bear blog's native features.
we didnt party this year for halloween which is extremely unusual. i knew if i didnt mention this to my friends they wouldnt take it upon themselves to host and i was right. i love our halloween parties, in a way i need them. i am looking forward to new year's, which i am just going to boldly say we will be partying for. if we did have our halloween party this year, i would have liked to have gone as tinkerbell, or just a fairy in general, or as starfire, since i've been wanting to go as her for a few years now, and my friend has a raven costume i know he wouldn't waste any time getting into if he found out i was starfire.
the past few years, especially last year, the winter has been absolutely desolate times for me. i am not looking forward to the paralyzing anxiety and paranoia that falls gently at first with the leaves then falls heavily, coldly with the snow. a lot of people see a bright white hill of fluffy snow in the morning after a busy storm and jump for joy. for me, when i say paralyzing i mean that. the cold stops me in my tracks, physically. i will stop walking and thinking linearly, and it will all turn to messy, spilling static.
the difference between this year and last year is that we have more money to work with. no thanks to my stupid ass. i hate (with the raging heat of a thousand dying stars) that when people don't have the money they need they are sad. capitalism isn't a good word for it because it doesn't cover the actual idea. you-will-not-know-what-smiling-feels-like-without-capital-ism is much closer. and if you do get a job, you most certainly will not know what smiling feels like LMAO get real. if your job is removing smiles (tough job-pays well), you might get to know how smiling feels. this year my husband's paychecks are closer in proportion to our expenses, so smiling is on the table.
i have been tempted this past week to upgrade my account on here. i am hesitant because i already pay for neocities and nekoweb lol. all the stuff an upgraded bear blog account can do, i can already do other the other hosts. but i chose bear blog as my host for the hollow instead of making a new subdomain on my other accounts because. i am not sure. i just like it here and i just like making new accounts. am i going to let this cost me money? possibly, or i could join webrings and get listed in directories.
but, i am also hesitant to put the link to the hollow out there, because it is such a fresh sprout of a space that i want to know more about it before i invite people in. would my link being listed even bring visitors? actually probably lol. for now, i will accept the hollow's fate of being tucked away into the shadows as i do not have an upgraded account nor do i want to list the hollow any where yet. i would love to be able to experiment with javascript on here tho.
as this post grows, it's making me want to finish it, and go on in the future only making posts about specific things. the first few rows of a crochet project will curl, but flatten as you continue. the first posts of the hollow are curling out in the way that i want them to have consistency right off of the bat and they don't. the dreamwidth/livejournal approach of making multiple posts daily, with a massive date and tagging system is not my gig but it could be suited for the hollow. if i do tag posts topically, they will be vague and ambiguous, rather than specific, or seo helpful.